Movies

Chick Fight

What a colossal waste of time! An absolute steaming pile of garbage writing; it’s like the writer decided to take a look at all the tropes he (Joseph Downey) could find, put in them in a hat and then pulled them out at random and wrote around that. You’ve got your morbidly obese, sassy black woman that is also a lesbian (Dulce Sloan), you got your down on her luck and severe money issues main character (Malin Akerman), a stereotypically and overtly flamboyant gay man (Alec Mapa) with his just out of the closet partner (Kevin Nash), and a villain that’s mean for the sake of being mean but secretly applauds the main character for their attained skills (Bella Thorne). We also have the love interest who happens to be a sibling of one of the other characters and is a doctor (Kevin Connolly), and we have the coach that trains the main character with unorthodox methods (Alec Baldwin).

The plot is also very simple, main character is on the brink of bankruptcy and discovers a fight club run by her sassy, fat black friend who also happens to be a cop. She joins said fight club which is revealed to have been founded by her mom who was a therapist and all the members of said club are her patients. Legality aside, how very silly. Colorful language aplenty with sexual jokes that fall flat and are cringeworthy, are sprinkled numerously throughout. The so-called unorthodox training methods employed by her coach are downright stupid and harmful to the idea of boxing and MMA in general. It’s like zero research was done into how actual boxing works, and how people actually fight. The writer wrote it off the top of his head based upon movies that have long since deteriorated in his imagination.

The acting is the only thing its got going for it, nothing was particularly horrible except for Bella Thorne. She was a disaster, and very obvious that this was nothing more than a paycheck with zero acting required – walk in, say your lines, step out when the stuntwoman is doing her thing and come back. Also Malin Akerman has fallen so low, a long way from Watchmen and it’s like she’s trying to stay relevant even if it means that people are lamenting how bad this movie is. Alec Baldwin has entered the realm of Bruce Willis and friends, he’s clearly here cause the pay was enticing enough to spend a couple weeks in Puerto Rico. Dulce Sloan wasn’t even funny, every single one of her jokes was like nails on a chalkboard. She was just agonizing to watch. I don’t even know why Kevin Nash was in this movie.

I do have to say that I applaud the stuntwomen and stunt work in this movie, they clearly tried the hardest out of everyone here. They outdid all the actors and actresses, the director, and soundtrack and even the cinematography, and especially the writer – it’s like the man had no experience with girls in his entire life. I don’t even understand who greenlit this movie, even less so who decided to throw money on it. Is it so hard to invest or spend money on, I don’t know… a good idea maybe? Just a thought for next time.

Do not pass go. Do not waste your time on this movie. Just kindly avoid it as best as possible. Show Amazon or whoever has it that it doesn’t deserve any effort or time spent on it. I would rather recommend you play some solitaire and then go to sleep early than this. Hard pass.

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